Thursday, January 5, 2012

Zip it!

"See how my life is with two kids?  You're so lucky you only have Little Miss."

Really?  Really?

We hear all the time about the inappropriate comments that people make to parents of multiples (geez, how many horrible comments do you think Michelle Duggar gets in a day?), or special needs kids, or adopted kids.  But does anyone ever mention that parents of only children get snide comments/questions as well?  Hardly ever.  People look at Only Child parents as beginner parents.  OC parents have it easy.  OC parents don't have the same struggles as multi-child homes.  That's right, we don't.  We have our own struggles, struggles that are completely unique to a one-child family.

You have absolutely no idea why I only have one child.  You don't know if there were medical issues.  You don't know if there were financial concerns.  Simply put, you don't know.  And I shouldn't have to tell you.  That's my business. 

The simple fact (that I'm CHOOSING to share) is that yes, I originally wanted more than one child.  I never even considered that I'm have an only child.  But that's the way the cookie crumbled.  I got sick.  I was on medication.  I was told not to even consider getting pregnant.  By the time I was given the ok to have kids again, Little Miss was almost 5.  I didn't want 5+ years between my kids.  I was afraid of having two kids at such vastly different stages of childhood that we wouldn't be able to do things as a family.  LM was out of diapers.  She slept through the night.  She was in pre-school three mornings a week.  I didn't want to go backward again to diapers and potty training and 2 a.m. feedings.  So, that was that.  I ended up with an only child.

Regrets?  Sometimes.  There are times when I wish I hadn't gotten sick, that I could have had another child when I planned to.  There are times I wish I had sucked it up and had another child when I was finally given the ok.  And yet there is the rest of the time when I say, I love my family.  I love it exactly as it is.  I love that I can give my child the best of what I have including my time, my attention, etc.  I don't feel like my family is missing anything.  It's whole just as it is.

But just because my family is different from yours, don't assume that I have it easy.  You haven't walked in my shoes.  You don't know.  And chances are, I'm not going to tell you.  So please, just keep it to yourself.

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