Thursday, July 5, 2012

Getting fit

Sometimes I think I should be fit for a straight jacket.  But in this case, I actually mean getting fit like, well, you know, losing weight, getting healthy, fitting into my favorite jeans again.  That kind of good stuff.  I have this horrible habit of starting out of the gate with a vengeance, really excited and determined.....and then I get a week in and that's where my fitness kick flounders. 

My husband should be an incredible inspiration to me.  After all, he's lost like 50 pounds through sheer will and determination.  He eats better.  He exercises nearly every day at least once a day, sometimes twice.  He's pretty damn amazing.  But instead of inspiring me, occasionally he just pisses me off.  Unlike him, I don't have that crazy awesome willpower.  I admit it, I give up too easily.  And I self-sabotage too quickly.  I'm so self-conscious that I don't want to exercise in front of anyone, especially my husband.  I feel judged.  I feel like he always wants to correct me or instruct me.  Sometimes it's true, and sometimes it's just how I feel.  So instead of letting him judge me, I thought I'd blog my journey so I can let the general public judge me.  (Okay, I know there's not much general public reading this so I'm fairly safe, really.)  But I also thought that if I made the commitment to blog my weight loss journey, perhaps I'd stick with it a bit better.

So here it is.  I currently weigh 180 pounds.  (It's interesting that as soon as I typed that, I felt the need to say, but hey, I USED TO BE SKINNY!  And I have a medical condition that makes losing weight difficult!!  Both are true but really meaningless in the long run.  It doesn't matter that I used to be skinny.  It's the "used to" that's the point.  I am no longer skinny.  And yes, medical condition.  Blah blah blah at this point.  It's not like it's going away.  It's a chronic condition.  I have to live with it.  So there.  I think that's the first time I ever thought about it that way. I guess that's progress??)

So here we go:

WEIGH IN: 180 lbs

GOAL: Weigh in at 130 lbs

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY: Haven't done it yet but the plan for today is Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.

MOOD: Quite honestly, I'm scared.  I'm so tired of being fat.  And I admit it.  I'm fat.  I have mirrors.  And I've tried to do this so many times.  It's sort of like when a person tries to quit smoking.  You try, and give up.  Try again, and give up again.  I don't want to give up this time.  I want to be skinny again.  So here's the deal, I'm relying on whoever reads this to keep me honest!  Keep me going.  I'll check back in again today after I hook up with Jillian.  TTYL

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